I’ve finally found the problem
I realized it was me.
You’re this twisted, more than love turned obsession.
And as I proceeded, you allowed yourself to fall away
And I’m left not knowing how to remain
You said you want me to stay
And I will without reason
But I don’t know how much more of this I can put up with
I can no longer control my demons
I don’t know how to make you want me more
And I guess the truth is you can’t
It’s not in the stars for you
That part of you lived and left
So now it leaves me wondering how I go on
To the point where I’m walking backwards to see how far you’ve gone
I’ve tried the tears, they have no effect
I’ve tried hate, it hurts me more and I am filled with regret
So now I’m left with more pointless writings
Holding my breath every time I hear a car door slam
Hoping it’ll be you wanting to spend time with me somehow
I live through delusions
I love through despair
And I torture my own soul with hope of repair
You’ve taught yourself how to be alone and need someone only when needed
I’ve taught myself listen to your instincts they can’t be cheated
There’s no end to this
I’m still in denial still racing past regret
Every thought, action, breath since the unknown date I fell in love with you is nothing but a demise
So it doesn’t matter if you tell me lies
Or you break my heart and stray aside
At this point it’s like the most,
I love you and you love me when you’re lowest
It’s this unshakeable feeling
That the visions in my head
I’ve somehow convinced are premonitions: of things that are and things to be
It might take a while to find a common ground
I don’t know this has never happened before
I can’t move past that I’m probably right
So am I wrong or are you right?
This is literally one of the worst pictures I’ve ever taken
I’m posting this as a reminder to myself that it’s not looks that makes my ugly side it’s my ugly attitude.
I’ve been unnecessarily shitty to undeserving people lately and I’m realizing I’m turning into someone I don’t want to be. Feeling pretty is one thing, but being loved for your humbleness and good intentions is an irreplaceable outlook and I refuse to allow my own self entitled shallowness hurt other people or myself further.
Next time I feel like being a jerk to another human being and laughing it off BC I think I’m “prettier” I’m going to look on this and remind myself true ugly is a point of view, an attitude and
Can I #MCM my @ctothamay ???
#weredorks #werehotdorks #throwback #nopoorzies #nouggos #datfacedo #lastsummershennanigans #wtfisgoingonwithmehface?? #welooklikehighschool #youngandbeautiful <3